The King Is Naked and So Am I – The Manifestor’s Secret That Almost Broke Me, Coming Out
The Manifestor’s Secret That Almost Broke Me
There’s a secret I’ve been carrying most of my life.
Not a dramatic secret — not the kind you whisper to a priest.
A deeper secret. The kind that hums under your skin, colors your voice before you speak, and leaves you wondering why no one ever really sees you.
The kind that eats you slowly while you pretend you’re fine.
The secret was this: I’m a Manifestor.
A 2/4 Splenic Manifestor on the Right Angle Cross of Explanation 4, to be precise.
When I first stumbled into Human Design, it hit me like a lightning strike.
At first, I resisted. Being a Manifestor felt impossible.
It felt arrogant: Isolating.
It felt like too much responsibility and not enough permission.
So when Cosmic Human Design floated across my path, offering me the softer title of a 5/1 Emotional Generator with the left angle cross of the clarion 2...
I grabbed it and soared into disassociation: the eternal-wave, into the 99.9965% of non-visible light, it felt so optimal, so close to real, though i didn't know how incomplete i would become;
yes, it was easier to hide inside that wave than to stand as the particle I was born to be.
And for a time, I was the wave, the non-observed in the double-slit experiment.
The Hidden Grief of Denying Your Nature
At first, Cosmic Human Design felt like a lifeline.
The energy was smoother, softer, more socially acceptable.
I wasn’t the disruptor anymore. I was the empath, the supporter, the connector.
But what looked like comfort was actually disassociation.
Instead of standing as myself, I floated as everyone.
Instead of informing with clarity, I waited for permission that was never meant to come.
And over time, the cost became unbearable.
Relationships strained.
My marriage collapsed.
I lost touch with the very essence that had made me me.
I realize now:
I wasn’t wrong to explore or experiment, that's what human design is all about, experimentation.
And I wasn’t broken for experimenting.
I was simply scared.
Because being a Manifestor is not easy.
It’s raw.
It’s disruptive.
It’s loud without always meaning to be.
And it demands something many men — especially men like me — are not taught:
It demands peace over permission.
How I Found My Way Back
It wasn't until March 2025 that the full realization landed:
Tropical Human Design is the particle.
Cosmic Human Design is the wave.
And I?
I am the particle.
I was born to be and hear — not to dissolve.
I started seeing the patterns clearly:
- My 2/4 profile needing alone time to recover but also craving real connection.
- My Splenic authority whispering the truth before my mind had time to panic.
- My Manifestor energy aching to move — without consensus, without apology.
I wasn’t broken.
I was beautifully built for something rare: To initiate, and to be at peace when others didn’t understand it.
The Cost of Forgetting
I want to be clear:
This wasn’t just a mental experiment.
It cost me dearly.
In 2022, I faced a Dark Night of the Soul moment.
After a profound, emotional ritual honoring a chicken that had passed, I cracked open into a new awareness, the complete, vast ocean of all that is, will be, or ever was and that terrified the one woman that i thought would always be there for me, in sickness and in health.
I saw the traumas of my life reflected back in the objects around me like talismans of horror, pain, guilt, fear and terror — and one by one, I let them go.
"Precious" and "special" items, the items I had carried throughout my life, smashed, haunting me, no more.
That act — innocent, sacred — was misunderstood.
My sons were trained to fear me.
Lies were told to the community where I had build deep roots.
Soon, a restraining order and a divorce.
All because of a decision to not be what I was here to embody and for others to truly know.
And in the ashes, I found my true self, I found self trust.
And as the relationships mend the way they were meant to be all along, i celebrate my hero's journey, when all attempted to force me into a box, shoulding me into mediocrity, i rose and found myself in the eternal-living-flame, the place i was always meant to perceive.
Why This Matters
If you’re reading this — whether you’re a Manifestor or not — I hope you know:
You are not broken because you disrupt or experiment.
You are not wrong because you move when others hesitate.
You are not selfish for refusing to wait for permission you never needed.
Your design is not a defect.
It’s a declaration.
Ready To Know More
If you’re feeling the ache to return to yourself...
If you’re tired of carrying power like a burden instead of a blessing...
If you’re wondering whether peace is still possible for you — It is.
It always was.
When you know your Self — really know it — you stop needing the permission slips that were never written for you in the first place.
The first step is remembering who you are.
The Self Trust Quick Start Guide is here for that.
Not as a rescue.
Not as a fix.
As a mirror.
To show you that you were never broken — only buried.
And the excavation was always your birthright.
If you’re ready, find the map here:
Walk at your pace.
Feel what’s true.
And I’ll meet you there — whole, unhidden, home.
